Thursday, February 23, 2012


I have lost the count of days,the endless agony of breathlessness.Each day i wake up to go back to sleep,swallowing the reality down in deep.Filling hole after hole after hole.My days are spent in running away
from the wild darkness that eludes my soul..

I used to be EARTH once.Stagnant,everlasting,headstrong.Vanity was my shadow all along
until..until I fell..a fall that changed me from within.I felt its currents grow faster..moving,shifting, everchanging
i was the WATER..

As time passed by I began to swim,unfolding my depths layer by layer.I drank it all up sparing no drop.Dancing to the rhythem here and there,fleeing the forces of outside world.I became free and unpredictable,full of flair.I was the AIR...

Passion driven I closed my eyes to the harsh realities of the world which was hiding,waiting for the ambush.
If only they had killed me in time for now i was the force unheard of,a might mightier than customs and norms.I was air no more....but a mindless heartless selfdestroyer.
I was the FIRE!!

War began,all hell broke lose.Earths and waters and winds attacked from every direction.Their rational minds and logics were an evil spell. But fight they couldnt with the heat.. Love resisted with every beat.
The pain felt was strangely sweet.I burnt everything down including my own heart that broke sending its scent up in  smoke..

Ash to ash,dust to dust,nothing remained but the awful thirst.Thirst of something or perhaps someone no longer there.In anguish my dark soul gasped and sighed over the emptiness my dead heart always denied
I was the VOID...

In this hollowness I reside now,a vacuum of endlessness.
Nothing retained but the memories of olden days
when I was bold
when I wasnt old
when I wasnt cold
when I had my  love to hold...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


What is this life so full of care 
I don't have time to stand and stare..

In  our quest to becoming the biggest fools,we human beings are continuously tossed around in every direction like a pollen in the winds of past and future.Life never moves smoothly in
proportion to time. Every moment we live in, is either guided by interpretation of our past
or illusion of the future.Consumed fully in the world,fear and hope become the biggest
distractions in achieving eternity..fear of the unknown by a realist and hope for the
'unattainable' by an idealist,we are trapped in the curse of mind and heart,respectively.

But what if we ,for a moment , by living that moment, cut this incomprehensible relation
between life and time.Eternity is always misinterpreted by our shortsightedness, as
something simulating infinity.Something beyond this world.Something related not to this life
but the after-world.
In fact in the world of philosophy and mysticism,eternity means 'TIMELESSNESS'.Escaping the web of time and experiencing life without time's influence on it.Is it possible for an ordinary soul to do so?? Certainly it is, provided we recognize how time influences our present. the answer is simple and already stated earlier.every moment we live is influence by time in the form of :

1- Figuring out our past that is built on nostalgia and memories,some regretful,others
2-the continuous process of evolving and burning midnight oil in the name of a 'better and
promising' future that no matter what we do remains unpredictable with no guarantee of
expiry date.

These two faces of time continuously blur our vision and don't let us appreciate ETERNITY.if
for only a small period of time,we forget the bright yellows we lost in the past and the
passionate reds that may never come and live in harmony with the present violets and oranges
and the blues.If for a moment we try to escape our past and future and recognize the
blessed present,we will escape the bounds of time and find ourselves floating in the
timelessness where only the gifted 'now' lives! Where eternity dwells.Its in this timeless
vacuum where God can be identified.
A famous dialogue from the movie 'KUNG FU PANDA'..
'Quit... don't quit. Noodles... don't noodles. 
You are too concerned with what was and with what will be.
Yesterday is history, 
tomorrow is a mystery, 
but today is a gift. 
That is why it is called the present.'

Monday, February 20, 2012

Feel His hurt no more

I hear winds bring  news
of my love,still running around
longing to know my heart,my views
a tireless effort,hardship bound...

o love,be hurt no more for being apart
As I, who could hurt most, am gone
my dear,you stay in the numbness of my heart
only to cherish ,not to mourn.
o love be hurt no more..

o love be hurt no more
I am always your mirror to tell
to tell you about the new you
unbreakable at times of farewell
now ready to fight every hell
so love be hurt no more..

so love be hurt no more
for they can never understand
that God answers not on waterless shore
you have to feel it in the grasp of hand
in the depths of sand
They try clutching it all
A few grains stick to their palm
as reminders of the rest that fall....

so love be hurt no more
for we have felt His answers
in sleepless nights behind bar
but they do not understand 'His'...
just like they did not understand 'our'...

so love be hurt no more
love be hurt no more
be hurt no more
hurt no more
no more
no more.......

LAHORE!The City Of Food ,Taste,Thoughts And Self-Discovery..

In my childhood I had heard a lot of stories from history,tales of Anarkali to splendor of shah jehan when he would come to this magnificent city of lahore and stay for a vacation in the shalimar gardens.I saw a lot of COLOURS in pictures when all knelt in front of the mighty lord ,all in one go on a sunny eid day in badshahi masjid.But never could I feel what the real Zinda Dilaan-e-lahore was, that made this city so superior.Was it just the music or the food or the water that people consumed that made them famous all over the country as the zinda dilaans..As far as I remember,whenever we planned a vacation trip,it was always the coolness of murree and beyond that caught our minds.Lahore was never considered an option.Even if a discussion of visiting the history of lahore was brought up,it would soon go vague into the phobia we had of its smoke,traffic jams and heat of the day. 
All changed when i got posted in this city that still wasnt my priority.The moment i landed in lahore ,a pity 'sensi' dull old me who had been bred and buttered like a stupid flower in the quietness and tranquility of jhelum and isloo,started searching for peace (well.. peace with a little more greenery or hilly spot maybe) .but the hustle and bustle never stopped.So i resided in my room finding it the safest and soundest of all places.Little was i aware that this was soon to change.A change in me that I would have found most troubling to cope with began to throw its colours ,the brightness of which i found 'not that irritating as i thought!'

Starting from the aesthetic fulfillment in Badshahi mosque and the vastness of Shahi Qilla that made me look so small,i entered the history of this city of the Kings.I visited places where the Kings went,every step i took unveiled a new image in my mind of how once this same very footstep must have been taken by the greatest emperors of those times.The elegance of sheesh mahal to a strangely cold breeze in a hot summer day that would refresh the shalimar gardens,the artificial rainbow with the aid of candles that Shah Jehan would have flattered about.The dark underground prisons in Shahi Qilla to the tomb of greatest scholar of the land Allama iqbal.And I thought how even after centuries ,these legends belittled one so much .
Next came the spiritual, journey to DATE DARBAR(ooops!pardon me for the cynical 'e'instead of 'a').i meant the DATA DARBAR the air of which was more than enough to replenish mysticism in me that had long died with time.
Finally today this city gave me the most delicious food i ever ate ..In new food street.sitting there at the table,with the white shiny domes of badshahi mosque on one side and its golden pillars on the other,miles long centuries old walls engulfed me back in time again.i saw the same picture from 16th century.Nothing had changed but the people.To top it all it started drizzling but the moment of the day was when I ate the first bout of desi food.and i realised I had so many taste buds yet to be discovered!As if they were there all this time longing to be explored.I thought and thought and the only conclusion I could reach was..
. 'Maybe indeed some civilizations are more God-gifted!others are not'
The food of old lahore is nothing but the centuries old hard work of its cooks.Its the result of ever new experiments starting maybe even before the mughal era that resulted in delivering the best taste one could experience .All the hard work paying off now.Maybe the people that lived here centuries ago and even now really are more God-gifted.Their knowledge of UTO(unidentified taste objects) and aesthetic sense is the proof of this.
After visiting the new food street ,a dazzling blend of history and taste,especially now that in a few months i am going to leave this city,I realised I have completed my stay here and got everything my limited heart could take from this place of timeless joy.this place has coloured my aura adding to my old grey , a bright YELLOW that i'll be taking away with me to some new place yet to be discovered.but i will return and long to live here if life gives me even one more day to celebrate ...I feel too small to say say anything else to this land of the kings but this.....


Thursday, February 16, 2012


Ever wondered why some people around you are so happy and content with their lives while others are found cursing all the time.Does life treat them both differently giving joy to one and tough time to the other?? Do we have to blame life and our world and hold it completely responsible for every bad event we have to face? or is it just the 'we' who are responsible for what the outcome is at the end of the day.? Man is the funniest animal on earth.Everything we do,all the hard work,all our achievements,our struggles..everything is directed towards gaining an ever-lasting happiness and a problem-free life .In this quest ,we forget a very simple rule of our existence that nothing in the world can give us the satisfaction if we fail to find it hidden in our heart.Let me try to put it in the simplest of ways i possibly can.
                                   'Only you are responsible for your happiness'
 The events of mixing,grinding,breaking ,polishing that life makes us go through are same for everyone.No soul on this earth can ever live a completely worry-free life.its a universal law and applies to all.Though the situations may be different. we all must pass through the pain and remorse..of professional failures to loss of dear ones,heart breaking end to ambitions to tragic misunderstandings..Everything you see around you, be it living in a form of parents,beloved,friends to nonliving as big house ,luxurious cars, are just the cards used by time to try your soul.These factors can never be held responsible for our happiness & satisfaction.Unfortunately we little human beings associate our felicity with these tools and in achieving these goals,we start EXPECTING more from them to deliver us the joy and forget a very simple answer to searching happiness that it resides within us.
 But there are those who know the answer to finding inner peace and satisfaction.You see them around you giggling,enjoying ,making jokes,trying their best to have good little moments despite the fact that they are treated hard by time too.They absorb all the pressures that time and age has to offer and stand tall in the most beautiful of fashions and never let the events in life take them down.They are like those floating ducks in the lake..peaceful from outside but just below the apparently calm surface a continous noisy paddling is driving them forward.
 The counterparts on the other hand keep on searching for satisfaction in the world,money and relationships and keep on expecting more and more from these poor items of time which in the end fail to deliver them the inner peace.
Rumi puts it this way.
 Nature has been very kind in making Happiness a relative term.In a hot summer day,one may find it comfortable sitting in an airconditioned room while the other would be lying in a cold tree shade outside thanking God for His blessings.A mercedez owner will find it hard to sit in a public van while a poor pedestrian would see the same van as a blessing from God.though both will be in the same state,one would be cursing,one would be satisfied and happy.It is all relative.
 LIFE IS A CONSTANT.OUR PERCEPTION IS NOT! that is why we see such a diversity of thoughts and personalities.All feeding from the same source.But outcomes are different.Some become wise in the end if they percieve accurately .Others fall short and we judge these shortcomings in their decisions in life.
 So my friends,in your PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS,never forget that it lies within you.You just have to understand the reality of things around you and not expect from others to give you what you are looking for.Search yourself out and you'll get the
answers provided your heart is free and mind open.

Friday, February 3, 2012


 there are two kinds of desires .the worldly one and the one many unlucky fail to appreciate in we grow up we pass through events and situations directed by human advice and limited minds.our heart shapes up accordingly.we develop selfishness and ego dwells in our selfcentered minds.our ego grows and prospers with time as we get introduced to the ostensibilities of the world.these are the lowest but very important stages in our quest to finding the purpose and reality of existance..the stages of 'AQAL' and 'FIKR' ..needless to explain these two stages as they are the baseline differentiation between man and animal..but comes what next is the life-making or life-breaking stage ...the stage of 'ISHQ'..
With our hearts and minds nurtured by people and worldly desires,we start walking tall in vanity.our heart identifies the most desired of all worldly temptations and we start falling for it, ISHQ-E-MAJAZI.the purest and most innocent of feelings we develop for another person.ISHQ-E-MAJAZI is no doubt the best feeling one could have in the third stage of knowing our purpose in shows the extent of virtue that man is made up of. soon ISHQ-E-MAJAZI engulfs us as we start enjoying the purity of biggest desire and temptation in the world.and your ego reaches its peak during this time.we set new goals and associate our purpose of life with it...but hold on.this is just a warm up for the next step in getting closer to God.a doorway to heaven...
there are three basic requirements that need to be fullfilled to identify Allah..
1-shunning ego
2-shattered dreams and broken heart

So Allah takes away this most beautiful desire  we possess in ishq-e-majazi.we try our best to get it back but in vain..we start believing that our life has ended since the biggest temptation of world is snatched away from our hands..we pray but complain..we cry in front of Allah and feel helpless..HELPLESSNESS takes away every bit of ego we had,our heart breaks and depression takes control of our lives.until...until it all gets silent and that numbness something new and very powerful ,something very resilient starts building in the heart.this is the phase when ISHQ-E-majazi gives way to ISHQ-E-HAQIQI...
give broken heart sometime ..Allah dwells in it..
        Jo Ulfat Mein Tumhari Kho Gaya Hai, Usi Kho'ay Hoay Ko Kuch Mila Hai
        Na But-Khanay, Na Kabay Mein Mila Hai, Magar Totay Hoay Dil Mein Mila Hai

        Pata Yoon To Bata Daitay Ho Sub Ko La-Makaan Apna
        Ta'ajub Hai Magar Rehtay Ho Tum Tootay Hoay Dil Mein
        Tum Ek Gorakh Dhanda Ho

        hairaan Hoon Mairay Dil Mein Sama'ay Ho Kiss Tarah, Haan'la K Do Jahan Mein                                 Samatay Nahi To tum...

during this stage of grief,man goes through continous process of learning.lessons are taught again but this time by a bigger force ,a force that no lower stage person can identify..its when we are being introduced to see in depression you complain to Allah for evrything .in one way or the other you establish a communication with God when you are in the most immense form of pain that world can give.pain of loss of the biggest desire of the world..with time and PATIENCE,you start thanking Allah and realise that nobody in this world could have done anything for you.its only one relation.the relation between you and Allah..

here the first kind of desire ends...then why do only a few people recognize ishq-e-haqiqi when almost everyone goes through the torture of shattered dreams and broken heart?? the answer is PATIENCE. we dont give depression and remorse enough time to teach us more .the moment one desire ends,people fall into another relationship.and so this quest of gaining Allah goes round and round in stage 3..ISHQ-E-MAJAZI should always be kept in heart because they are your purest feelings for the world.they will serve as a source for you to appreciate other peoples feeling,to give happiness and the respectable rights of everyone.unfortunately when people fall too quickly into another ISHQ-E-MAJAZI,not only they leave the learning process but also lose their personality..keep the innocent feelings in your heart forever as lasting memories and move on to the next level of desire ..the ultimate desire....THE PURPOSE OF LIFE..

Once Allah start dwelling in the broken numb heart,we recognize that now no desire in the world could fulfill our thirst and so we are welcomed to the next type of desire. as ASHFAQ AHMED says...

        jab insan ka iishq lahasil rehta hay tu woh darya ko chor kar
        smandar ka pyasa ban jata hay.....choty rasty say hatt kar baday
        madar ka musafir ban jata hay uski talab bdal jati hay"

ISHQ-E-HAQIQI once achieved changes your vision of seeing look at the world,people,events in a completely different way and start enjoying the fourth stage of finding purpose of life ..the stage of REALITY...when Allah settles in your heart and desires,He makes you see what others start getting amused at what other people are doing and how detracked they what stage they grow ever jolly and no worldly tragedy can shake your new ambitions.because you have already lost the biggest desire of Ishq-e-majazi that human beings had to offer and no temptation of the world can detrack you grow quieter from inside.thats why they say that Allah resides in silence and stop complaining to other beings because they cannot do anything about realise in this stage OF REALITY that the purpose of life is none other than finding Allah in your heart...and so you easily let go all temptations that life has in i understand whats the real meaning of..

the last stage is MUARAFAT.and my friends i have no idea what it is.we are too small to comprehend it.but its something like knowing beyond knowing....i believe Allama iqbal and many other scholars that have written such words of knowledge that an ordinary man would find only a work of literature,were actually enjoying this stage of muaraffat..


remember the exam time and objective paper full of multiple choice fellow BACK-BENCHERS would have an idea that there were certain questions in those MCQs ,the answer to which ,we had no clue we used to think and think and think and always chose the most complicated answer ignoring the easier choices just because they didnt seem to be convincing enough....

same is the case with our quest of understanding the complexities of life.we believe that life is complicated and too hard to understand .so in our search for answers,we think so deep that that we ignore the simple answers to life and our mind is always set to encounter the most complicated of solutions to the problems that life has to offer.simple answers just wont do enough.right!!

one must realise that majority of worldly issues are makes us see only the unsolved issues.these issue continously poke our minds and entice us to think deeper and deeper entangling us into its perplexed thread.we try to solve it but skip the simplest of solutions in finding the end of the thread first.

take some time out.sit in the quiet place and try to relax.let your soul talk to you.who knows you might get all the answers in one go!!

so my friends,think surely but only to solve what is worthed.the answers that could help you find peace in life.the solutions to staying content,positive and purposeful in life.dont plunge too deep into the tempting complexities, answers to which can never be found.ITS ALRIGHT NOT TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS...


Maturity..a word that separates the two worlds we live in..the world we create in our hearts and the real one..the world of dreams and the world of practicality..
During the course of our life,we make certain important decisions..decisions that define our very existence..that challenge our very instincts ..instincts that man has been blessed with but scummed for..age defines maturity..thats the normal perception in our society..unfortunately that’s the truth but not the whole truth..maturity of mind comes with experiences..the more eventful your life is, the faster you cannot leave everything on age and ignore the remarkable force you have in youth to achieve your desires.
What I have learnt in my life is that the more emotionless a decision is,the more mature it is considered by people.this is the biggest tragedy.yes emotions do influence our decisions but it’s the same emotions that serve as a driving force in accomplishing what a dead heart mature man would find impossible to achieve.
And so this biggest gift to you from God in the form of feelings,beliefs,love and faith is given the slightest of importance when taking a decision..they say when you become too wise,you lose your heart and mind directs you towards logics and logics never apply to faith.logics only support godlessness and atheism.
I might be under-rating maturity of mind too much.but my point is its not a rule to be mature and emotionless.maturity of mind can exist with a dreamful heart.what matters is how you look at life.before making a decision,you must'nt  only  see the peak of the mountain must  realise the extent of commitement,passion and energy building in your heart to reach that peak.and if you find yourself passionate enough about it ….then what are you waiting for..tie up your laces and give it a shot. once you reach that peak,that goal in life…your selfconfidence would be booming to such sublime heights that a dead emotionless heart cannot even think of..
And so you divide the world between idealists and realists.the former being  the strong hearted who rise to follow their dreams no matter how hard life knocks them down and the latter ones who find it easier to just stay back and accept what is and what isn’t..the question my friends is are you a dream follower or a dream hollower…..

Thursday, February 2, 2012


In our life we come across a diversity of feelings and emotions..some of them leave in our heart some great memories..others add to the bad wrinkles on our face.they say grey hair and old age is a book to be read,a story to be heard and a lesson to be learnt.for he has seen so much in life that we still have to it their failures,success or just the resistance to time they show in life that earns them respect in a society..why do they seem to be the teachers of life when in truth everyone has to lead a different life on a different path with different events and experiences… maybe its because they go through so many feelings that we all have to go through or are going through right teaches you a lot.and its biggest and favourite lesson is the lesson of thoughts and expressions,of love and anger,of guilt and remorse ..that every man has to go through.loss of parents to departure of love,loosing great friends to gaining new ones,shattered dreams to rebuilding new is Gods biggest creation no doubt.its not just because of our minds that has exalted us above angels.its because of the braveheart and ever positive quest of resisting all that life has to offer and moving on and on in building and renovating our dreams again ..its like a birds nest ,our dreams and quests, that we build in the safest and most secure part of our heart and when the storm of life comes and destroys it all,we cry at the very top of our voice and watch helplessly as the storm settles down…
but what happens the very next morning is that in the quiet of sunrise,u see the same bird gathering up more sticks to form a new nest ,a new hope,a new dream,a new even safer see the biggest trial to live a life is to actually live a life.
and so God has his own ways to test us,to soften up our hearts and strengthen up our minds to make a journey on our own .a journey through feelings that would eventually lead us to grey hair and wrinkled face with a big heart and a broad mind.a mind broad enough to see our past and smile at it just like that lord smiles at us dearly as we move on..