A Heart Of Gold...

Words of wisdom flowing again

drops of knowledge glowing brain

wave after wave of torrential rain

they hit hard gleaming back

glistening my heart a precious sublime

words are'nt a note this time

switching swapping into a rhyme..

They tell a riddle never told before

of a dark room and empty floor

rich feelings tied to the ceilings

light shone through an open door

on a book of gold,the author's grandeur

precious gems and endless shore

the spirits and sufis dwell within

and lord is found on searching more

A thousand clerics I went to,

a million books I read

in search of truth known to few

until I  sketched the room in my head

a vague parity struck me,a deja vu!

I've seen this room of gems,I said

my mind reached its bounds, my brain gave up;

so I went to the heart to feel instead

Behold! the answer to the riddle came up

the puzzle my soul could only sort

the extract of life to finding God

lied in the very room of my heart..

Doors opened ,the truth unfold

of god's splendour and magnificence

I took a few steps firm and bold

accepting my ignorance and realities cold

setting my soul free of puritan mind

in rhymes of sufis centuries old

in eyes of soul that never go blind

in verses of quran ,the book of gold

But words never left me there

the journey to eternity started here

your heart is where the doorways open

the doorways to heaven concealed in layers

this riddle,they said, was not a conclusion

for darkness in heart is a mere illusion

an illusion to feel the light within

setting apart the darkness filling in

the darkness felt for every sin

reminds us of the light through thick and thin

So much this heart and soul know

of God and men,love and rage

wisdom flying free of earthly cage

casually inked on the page

spread out in rhymes and notes
are lessons learnt come of age...

Of Eyes And Mind..Of God And Mankind

A clear sunny day marked with cold winds from the north,sitting on a mountain peak, tall grass dancing around me,dancing and laughing with the winds and trees swirling a knowledgable motherly smile,i see the distant cliffs.My eyes mesmerized by beuty and splendor of nature.A thought pops up in my head, bringing an overwhelming educated smile on my lips too,like the trees.Overwhelmed by the very thought of knowing all the answers. Is it the satisfied heart or the happy soul of mine that inspired my eyes to appreciate the work of God? Is this what philosophy of life is all about when it says that all is one! Our soul,our surroundings ,the universe filled with oneness.Wholeness that i see in trees and my lips that are in harmony with god and His ways. The world,they say, is nothing but our own state of mind. Why ,after all these years ,when such a day has come a million times before,have i thought of this oneness today!why was I not au fait with it before?

Suddenly i felt waves of knowledge surging to explode my heart from within,a whisper from the core of my soul,it said,
'A beautiful painting is a direct reflection of a painter's heart.'
I pondered my mind out and doors began to open one by one.Doors locked in me somewhere deep,carrying answers to the truth about God.Answers that were buried all this time in my soul,by the dirt of worldly teachings taught to me since childhood by humans.
And i thought of the scenery in front of me, the love that mother carries for her child, the emotions of fraternity that let us stand united,the shores that collect sand from endless times,the freshness that a newborn's cheek bears,the shine in his eyes.All speak of God as evermore benignant ,smiling that affectionate smile.I see everything as one.Oneness of the universe fitting perfectly in my one soul,oneness of nature's love and compassion adjusting immaculately  in my one heart.Everything essoterically and exoterically becoming one.All one created by the one.A thousand questions having different doorways but leading ultimately to the one!The beautiful one!The ever so forgiving one who calls us for repentance everytime we lose our track.The caring one who guarantees His love as seventy times more than that of a mother's. Who laughs at our mistakes and says 'its ok'come come again'. Who is still optimistic to be sustaining the world despite all the wickedness of mankind.
I felt buoyant,enthralled by the very implications of this knowledge.The world seemed brighter to explore,life felt real and joyous.My soul felt freer than ever before.Free and open to fly high. But then there was another whisper.an answer to the freedom of soul.

'They don't want your soul to be free,they want their hold over your soul and the society's too..'

So it dawned upon me as to why the great philosophy of life always faced the wrath of clerics and leaders of times. Philosophy gave the answers to finding God in your soul and setting your soul free. Clerics ,on the other hand,justified their superiority and hold over societies by depicting only the wrath of the Almighty.This concept let the male dominated societies to manipulate our faith with the man-made traditions,filled with fear of becoming a victim to God's anger and punishment, to keep their say and hold over our souls.
God has made each soul independently,God has put before us the whole universe that speaks so audibly of his kindness and patience,His clemency and magnanimity. Searching our souls for the answers thus would jeapordize the very credibility and impact of our religious leaders.Setting souls free would break us of all the worldly traditions that keep us entangled in the complexities and rules of society.Finding the truth,the ultimate truth,would let us feel no more afraid of the materialistic concepts about God.

What more clear message can God give to human beings when even through His worship,He is trying to teach us to do good with fellow humans.Prayers help us shun vanity and realize that despite the worldy luxuries we are still answerable to Him.Men of all classes standing in prayers shoulder by shoulder clearly a sign from God that He sees all with the same love.Giving alms makes our soul pious and ramadan builds patience in our anxious worried selves.When God clearly says that i can forgive you for everything but the evil you have done with other human beings,that can only be forgiven by the respective soul. Naive and small as we are,we feel exalted and enlightened over the ones who dont worship.who dont offer prayers. How can we even judge any other soul when the power of judgement lies in God's hands.

But ignoring the human characters rusted with hypocrisy,I see this strange new expression of God.It was there all this time in my very own heart yet my eyes couldnt see before.This God who had always been the most merciful and the most benificent,the GOd whose love for His creations seems as endless as the universe itself.The GOd who inspires us to dare set our souls free of worldly traditions and finding him embracing and rewarding our souls with freedom and paradise.I see the real God as the most understanding one.And it all sparks hope in my very blood.hope of great times to come.hope of becoming as innocent as a neonate,again, with time.hope of repenting over my sins and i close my eyes and feel His miracles in my mind and i dare ask Him one question.
'MERAY GUNAH ZIADA HAIN YA TERI REHMAT
  KAREEM TU HI BATA DE HISAAB KAR KE '
His reply opens up new paths in my JOURNEY TO ETERNITY...

WHEN A DESERT NIGHT UNLEASHES THE DARKNESS WITHIN YOU..

In the wilderness of the desert,cold freezing winds gushing through,on a turbulent yet strangely quiet night..the quietness of the kind which echoes through the ears.moon shining down through the tent door from the sky where stars are brighter than ever before..Im lying in a blanket all wrapped up.Letting thoughts take over the night from here on.Distant folk songs filling the vaccuum,their amplitude rising with every wave of wind thats strikes my tent roof and then disappearing into the silence of the depth of the night.Maybe some soldier is playing his radio loud or is it some local vehicle passing by on its way to destiny..i wonder if this is the timelessness.is this what they have been saying all along ,a solution to finding the eternity ..
In the wilderness of desert,i lie silent and still ,as if my single move would beware the winds of my presance.i lie calm and awake.Far far away from the places where men are busy struggling and women gossip all the time,where lights are too luminous to let the darkness of the night reach my heart,where greed and lust prevail and corrupt the purest of hearts that seem helpless against momentum of time that sweep them along.Far far away from that place where LIVES ARE TRADED FOR MONEY OR SECURITY,WHERE GOD EXISTS NO MORE ESOTERICALLY,WHERE FATES ARE DECIDED ON THE BASIS OF ASSUMPTIONS. I am faraway from such lands.And strangely enough ,I feel secure in this barrenness here that is dominated not by people but the One.Oneness prevails here.everything happening around me right now is a perfect trumpet played in a uniquely harmonious way.
'IS THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE DESERT TONIGHT,A MIRROR IMAGE OF MY SOUL?IS THE WILDERNESS OUTSIDE STRINKINGLY SIMILAR TO THE DESERTNESS INSIDE?'...
Or is it just my inner state that is at peace and harmony with God and His ways? Maybe everything that fills the air in the desert exists in the land of people too .then is it just the tranquility of the moment that convinces ,my heart, of my God..?
So many questions ,so many thoughts.Sigh,how much more to fight for what i already fought..maybe ill leave the answers to my lord and try to forget the faithless frauds.Maybe i should stop here lest my mind should handle the TRUTH.Maybe its better to put all the 'maybies' away..and call it a day.and live in this moment of serenity that life doesnt very often bless us with.
in the wilderness of the desert,a distant sound of a lost bird weep...sigh! stop thinking your mind out 'Miim' ..its time to sleep.
in the wilderness of the desert that resembles a heart....

SIGH.....

I have lost the count of days,the endless agony of breathlessness.Each day i wake up to go back to sleep,swallowing the reality down in deep.Filling hole after hole after hole.My days are spent in running away
from the wild darkness that eludes my soul..

I used to be EARTH once.Stagnant,everlasting,headstrong.Vanity was my shadow all along
until..until I fell..a fall that changed me from within.I felt its currents grow faster..moving,shifting, everchanging
i was the WATER..

As time passed by I began to swim,unfolding my depths layer by layer.I drank it all up sparing no drop.Dancing to the rhythem here and there,fleeing the forces of outside world.I became free and unpredictable,full of flair.I was the AIR...

Passion driven I closed my eyes to the harsh realities of the world which was hiding,waiting for the ambush.
If only they had killed me in time for now i was the force unheard of,a might mightier than customs and norms.I was air no more....but a mindless heartless selfdestroyer.
I was the FIRE!!

War began,all hell broke lose.Earths and waters and winds attacked from every direction.Their rational minds and logics were an evil spell. But fight they couldnt with the heat.. Love resisted with every beat.
The pain felt was strangely sweet.I burnt everything down including my own heart that broke sending its scent up in  smoke..

Ash to ash,dust to dust,nothing remained but the awful thirst.Thirst of something or perhaps someone no longer there.In anguish my dark soul gasped and sighed over the emptiness my dead heart always denied
I was the VOID...


In this hollowness I reside now,a vacuum of endlessness.
Nothing retained but the memories of olden days
when I was bold
when I wasnt old
when I wasnt cold
when I had my  love to hold...

ETERNITY IS 'RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW'..

What is this life so full of care 
I don't have time to stand and stare..

In  our quest to becoming the biggest fools,we human beings are continuously tossed around in every direction like a pollen in the winds of past and future.Life never moves smoothly in
proportion to time. Every moment we live in, is either guided by interpretation of our past
or illusion of the future.Consumed fully in the world,fear and hope become the biggest
distractions in achieving eternity..fear of the unknown by a realist and hope for the
'unattainable' by an idealist,we are trapped in the curse of mind and heart,respectively.

But what if we ,for a moment , by living that moment, cut this incomprehensible relation
between life and time.Eternity is always misinterpreted by our shortsightedness, as
something simulating infinity.Something beyond this world.Something related not to this life
but the after-world.
In fact in the world of philosophy and mysticism,eternity means 'TIMELESSNESS'.Escaping the web of time and experiencing life without time's influence on it.Is it possible for an ordinary soul to do so?? Certainly it is, provided we recognize how time influences our present. the answer is simple and already stated earlier.every moment we live is influence by time in the form of :

1- Figuring out our past that is built on nostalgia and memories,some regretful,others
     cherishing.
2-the continuous process of evolving and burning midnight oil in the name of a 'better and
promising' future that no matter what we do remains unpredictable with no guarantee of
expiry date.

These two faces of time continuously blur our vision and don't let us appreciate ETERNITY.if
for only a small period of time,we forget the bright yellows we lost in the past and the
passionate reds that may never come and live in harmony with the present violets and oranges
and the blues.If for a moment we try to escape our past and future and recognize the
blessed present,we will escape the bounds of time and find ourselves floating in the
timelessness where only the gifted 'now' lives! Where eternity dwells.Its in this timeless
vacuum where God can be identified.
A famous dialogue from the movie 'KUNG FU PANDA'..
'Quit... don't quit. Noodles... don't noodles. 
You are too concerned with what was and with what will be.
Yesterday is history, 
tomorrow is a mystery, 
but today is a gift. 

That is why it is called the present.'

Feel His answers..be hurt no more

I hear winds bring  news
of my love,still running around
longing to know my heart,my views
a tireless effort,hardship bound...

o love,be hurt no more for being apart
As I, who could hurt most, am gone
my dear,you stay in the numbness of my heart
only to cherish ,not to mourn.
o love be hurt no more..

o love be hurt no more
I am always your mirror to tell
to tell you about the new you
unbreakable at times of farewell
now ready to fight every hell
so love be hurt no more..

so love be hurt no more
for they can never understand
that God answers not on waterless shore
you have to feel it in the grasp of hand
in the depths of sand
They try clutching it all
A few grains stick to their palm
as reminders of the rest that fall....

so love be hurt no more
for we have felt His answers
in sleepless nights behind bar
but they do not understand 'His'...
just like they did not understand 'our'...

so love be hurt no more
love be hurt no more
be hurt no more
hurt no more
no more
no more.......

PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS...

Ever wondered why some people around you are so happy and content with their lives while others are found cursing all the time.Does life treat them both differently giving joy to one and tough time to the other?? Do we have to blame life and our world and hold it completely responsible for every bad event we have to face? or is it just the 'we' who are responsible for what the outcome is at the end of the day.? Man is the funniest animal on earth.Everything we do,all the hard work,all our achievements,our struggles..everything is directed towards gaining an ever-lasting happiness and a problem-free life .In this quest ,we forget a very simple rule of our existence that nothing in the world can give us the satisfaction if we fail to find it hidden in our heart.Let me try to put it in the simplest of ways i possibly can.
                                   'Only you are responsible for your happiness'
 The events of mixing,grinding,breaking ,polishing that life makes us go through are same for everyone.No soul on this earth can ever live a completely worry-free life.its a universal law and applies to all.Though the situations may be different. we all must pass through the pain and remorse..of professional failures to loss of dear ones,heart breaking end to ambitions to tragic misunderstandings..Everything you see around you, be it living in a form of parents,beloved,friends to nonliving as big house ,luxurious cars, are just the cards used by time to try your soul.These factors can never be held responsible for our happiness & satisfaction.Unfortunately we little human beings associate our felicity with these tools and in achieving these goals,we start EXPECTING more from them to deliver us the joy and forget a very simple answer to searching happiness that it resides within us.
 But there are those who know the answer to finding inner peace and satisfaction.You see them around you giggling,enjoying ,making jokes,trying their best to have good little moments despite the fact that they are treated hard by time too.They absorb all the pressures that time and age has to offer and stand tall in the most beautiful of fashions and never let the events in life take them down.They are like those floating ducks in the lake..peaceful from outside but just below the apparently calm surface a continous noisy paddling is driving them forward.
 The counterparts on the other hand keep on searching for satisfaction in the world,money and relationships and keep on expecting more and more from these poor items of time which in the end fail to deliver them the inner peace.
Rumi puts it this way.
 THE WASP AND BEE FEED FROM THE SAME FOOD SOURCE;
 FROM ONE THERE COMES THE STING,FROM ONE COMES HONEY.
 BOTH TYPES OF DEER WILL FEED ON PLANTS AND WATER;
 FROM ONE COMES DUNG,FROM ONE THE PUREST MUSK.
 BOTH TYPES OF CANE ARE DRINKING FROM ONE SOURCE;
THIS ONE IS EMPTY,THAT ONE FULL OF SUGAR.
 Nature has been very kind in making Happiness a relative term.In a hot summer day,one may find it comfortable sitting in an airconditioned room while the other would be lying in a cold tree shade outside thanking God for His blessings.A mercedez owner will find it hard to sit in a public van while a poor pedestrian would see the same van as a blessing from God.though both will be in the same state,one would be cursing,one would be satisfied and happy.It is all relative.
 LIFE IS A CONSTANT.OUR PERCEPTION IS NOT! that is why we see such a diversity of thoughts and personalities.All feeding from the same source.But outcomes are different.Some become wise in the end if they percieve accurately .Others fall short and we judge these shortcomings in their decisions in life.
 So my friends,in your PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS,never forget that it lies within you.You just have to understand the reality of things around you and not expect from others to give you what you are looking for.Search yourself out and you'll get the
answers provided your heart is free and mind open.

EXTRACT OF LOVE..DOORWAY TO HEAVEN...

 there are two kinds of desires .the worldly one and the one many unlucky fail to appreciate in lifetime.as we grow up we pass through events and situations directed by human advice and limited minds.our heart shapes up accordingly.we develop selfishness and ego dwells in our selfcentered minds.our ego grows and prospers with time as we get introduced to the ostensibilities of the world.these are the lowest but very important stages in our quest to finding the purpose and reality of existance..the stages of 'AQAL' and 'FIKR' ..needless to explain these two stages as they are the baseline differentiation between man and animal..but comes what next is the life-making or life-breaking stage ...the stage of 'ISHQ'..
With our hearts and minds nurtured by people and worldly desires,we start walking tall in vanity.our heart identifies the most desired of all worldly temptations and we start falling for it, ISHQ-E-MAJAZI.the purest and most innocent of feelings we develop for another person.ISHQ-E-MAJAZI is no doubt the best feeling one could have in the third stage of knowing our purpose in life.it shows the extent of virtue that man is made up of. soon ISHQ-E-MAJAZI engulfs us as we start enjoying the purity of biggest desire and temptation in the world.and your ego reaches its peak during this time.we set new goals and associate our purpose of life with it...but hold on.this is just a warm up for the next step in getting closer to God.a doorway to heaven...
there are three basic requirements that need to be fullfilled to identify Allah..
1-shunning ego
2-shattered dreams and broken heart
3-patience

So Allah takes away this most beautiful desire  we possess in ishq-e-majazi.we try our best to get it back but in vain..we start believing that our life has ended since the biggest temptation of world is snatched away from our hands..we pray but complain..we cry in front of Allah and feel helpless..HELPLESSNESS takes away every bit of ego we had,our heart breaks and depression takes control of our lives.until...until it all gets silent and numb..in that numbness something new and very powerful ,something very resilient starts building in the heart.this is the phase when ISHQ-E-majazi gives way to ISHQ-E-HAQIQI...
give broken heart sometime ..Allah dwells in it..
       
        Jo Ulfat Mein Tumhari Kho Gaya Hai, Usi Kho'ay Hoay Ko Kuch Mila Hai
        Na But-Khanay, Na Kabay Mein Mila Hai, Magar Totay Hoay Dil Mein Mila Hai

        Pata Yoon To Bata Daitay Ho Sub Ko La-Makaan Apna
        Ta'ajub Hai Magar Rehtay Ho Tum Tootay Hoay Dil Mein
        Tum Ek Gorakh Dhanda Ho

        hairaan Hoon Mairay Dil Mein Sama'ay Ho Kiss Tarah, Haan'la K Do Jahan Mein                                 Samatay Nahi To tum...

during this stage of grief,man goes through continous process of learning.lessons are taught again but this time by a bigger force ,a force that no lower stage person can identify..its when we are being introduced to Allah.you see in depression you complain to Allah for evrything .in one way or the other you establish a communication with God when you are in the most immense form of pain that world can give.pain of loss of the biggest desire of the world..with time and PATIENCE,you start thanking Allah and realise that nobody in this world could have done anything for you.its only one relation.the relation between you and Allah..

here the first kind of desire ends...then why do only a few people recognize ishq-e-haqiqi when almost everyone goes through the torture of shattered dreams and broken heart?? the answer is PATIENCE. we dont give depression and remorse enough time to teach us more .the moment one desire ends,people fall into another relationship.and so this quest of gaining Allah goes round and round in stage 3..ISHQ-E-MAJAZI should always be kept in heart because they are your purest feelings for the world.they will serve as a source for you to appreciate other peoples feeling,to give happiness and the respectable rights of everyone.unfortunately when people fall too quickly into another ISHQ-E-MAJAZI,not only they leave the learning process but also lose their personality..keep the innocent feelings in your heart forever as lasting memories and move on to the next level of desire ..the ultimate desire....THE PURPOSE OF LIFE..



Once Allah start dwelling in the broken numb heart,we recognize that now no desire in the world could fulfill our thirst and so we are welcomed to the next type of desire. as ASHFAQ AHMED says...

        jab insan ka iishq lahasil rehta hay tu woh darya ko chor kar
        smandar ka pyasa ban jata hay.....choty rasty say hatt kar baday
        madar ka musafir ban jata hay uski talab bdal jati hay"

ISHQ-E-HAQIQI once achieved changes your vision of seeing things.you look at the world,people,events in a completely different way and start enjoying the fourth stage of finding purpose of life ..the stage of REALITY...when Allah settles in your heart and desires,He makes you see what others cannot.you start getting amused at what other people are doing and how detracked they are.in what stage they are..you grow ever jolly and no worldly tragedy can shake your new ambitions.because you have already lost the biggest desire of Ishq-e-majazi that human beings had to offer and no temptation of the world can detrack you now.you grow quieter from inside.thats why they say that Allah resides in silence and quietness..you stop complaining to other beings because they cannot do anything about it.you realise in this stage OF REALITY that the purpose of life is none other than finding Allah in your heart...and so you easily let go all temptations that life has in store..now i understand whats the real meaning of..
KNOWING HOW TO LET GO IS KNOWING HOW TO CONFRONT ALL...

the last stage is MUARAFAT.and my friends i have no idea what it is.we are too small to comprehend it.but its something like knowing beyond knowing....i believe Allama iqbal and many other scholars that have written such words of knowledge that an ordinary man would find only a work of literature,were actually enjoying this stage of muaraffat..
YOU MUST KNOW IN WHAT STAGE YOU STAND IN LIFE..IF YOU WANT TO FULFILL THE PURPOSE OF LIFE...

FINDING THE END OF A THREAD

remember the exam time and objective paper full of multiple choice questions..my fellow BACK-BENCHERS would have an idea that there were certain questions in those MCQs ,the answer to which ,we had no clue of.so we used to think and think and think and always chose the most complicated answer ignoring the easier choices just because they didnt seem to be convincing enough....

same is the case with our quest of understanding the complexities of life.we believe that life is complicated and too hard to understand .so in our search for answers,we think so deep that that we ignore the simple answers to life and our mind is always set to encounter the most complicated of solutions to the problems that life has to offer.simple answers just wont do enough.right!!

one must realise that majority of worldly issues are over-rated.life makes us see only the unsolved issues.these issue continously poke our minds and entice us to think deeper and deeper entangling us into its perplexed thread.we try to solve it but skip the simplest of solutions in finding the end of the thread first.

take some time out.sit in the quiet place and try to relax.let your soul talk to you.who knows you might get all the answers in one go!!


so my friends,think surely but only to solve what is worthed.the answers that could help you find peace in life.the solutions to staying content,positive and purposeful in life.dont plunge too deep into the tempting complexities, answers to which can never be found.ITS ALRIGHT NOT TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS...

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT..

In our life we come across a diversity of feelings and emotions..some of them leave in our heart some great memories..others add to the bad wrinkles on our face.they say grey hair and old age is a book to be read,a story to be heard and a lesson to be learnt.for he has seen so much in life that we still have to experience..is it their failures,success or just the resistance to time they show in life that earns them respect in a society..why do they seem to be the teachers of life when in truth everyone has to lead a different life on a different path with different events and experiences… maybe its because they go through so many feelings that we all have to go through or are going through right now.life teaches you a lot.and its biggest and favourite lesson is the lesson of thoughts and expressions,of love and anger,of guilt and remorse ..that every man has to go through.loss of parents to departure of love,loosing great friends to gaining new ones,shattered dreams to rebuilding new ones..man is Gods biggest creation no doubt.its not just because of our minds that has exalted us above angels.its because of the braveheart and ever positive quest of resisting all that life has to offer and moving on and on in building and renovating our dreams again ..its like a birds nest ,our dreams and quests, that we build in the safest and most secure part of our heart and when the storm of life comes and destroys it all,we cry at the very top of our voice and watch helplessly as the storm settles down…
but what happens the very next morning is that in the quiet of sunrise,u see the same bird gathering up more sticks to form a new nest ,a new hope,a new dream,a new vision..an even safer place..you see the biggest trial to live a life is to actually live a life.
and so God has his own ways to test us,to soften up our hearts and strengthen up our minds to make a journey on our own .a journey through feelings that would eventually lead us to grey hair and wrinkled face with a big heart and a broad mind.a mind broad enough to see our past and smile at it just like that lord smiles at us dearly as we move on..